I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize