he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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