I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize