Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
