just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
