just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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