She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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