dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
a search helicopter?!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize