please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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