Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize