YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
