My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
