My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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