i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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