I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
