I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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