I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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