Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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