there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
