She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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