He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
worst night to have a conscience
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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