i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize