Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
