Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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