There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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