peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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