Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
