Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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