my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
