Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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