dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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