Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
