I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Life is so much better after having sex.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
