the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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