When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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