Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize