It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
