You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
