if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
