Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
