You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
