i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
