You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
