If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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