Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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