if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
