I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
