She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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