I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
