can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
