maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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