i don't like sucking hair
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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