Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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