apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
