we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
