Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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