I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
