I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
