I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
