yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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