if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
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