it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
