Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
