Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
